Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Mixed feelings

Well, I prefer to post about exciting and positive things that the babies do but this one may be a bit of the good and bad. Carsen had a visit at the Doctors today regarding his eating. Nothing new, I guess. But over the last month he has really dropped off on his fluid intake. When it comes to feedings he chooses to completely ignore the bottle and only take food from the spoon. Yeah for the solids but not so good for the fluids. I can't get him to drink from a cup yet so it's kind of scary. That being said, the overall consensus is that it's finally time for Carsen to get a feeding tube. I have been fighting this for almost a full year. Some say it was a good fight but it's hard to accept that cheerfully. I can't help but feeling like we are taking a big step back. It seems like we have made it so far yet now it feels like we were just wasting time by putting it off. But I do realize we weren't wasting time totally because Carsen has learned to eat solids and that's a big deal. But it now feels like all that fighting and stress and the emotional roller coaster ride was all for naught. I don't know. But here we are. It seems to be the best option for Carsen now. We hope so. In the mean time he will likely be using an NG tube (through the nose) to stay hydrated and take fluids. I'm really not excited about that because having to be responsible for placing the tube is very frightening to me. But I guess it's just part of the job requirement now. I still have to say how grateful we are for All of Carsen's progress. He has overcome so much and defied so many odds and he's only 13 months old. Even though we're disappointed we know Carsen is still going to do way more than we ever dreamed or imagined! He's a strong little guy and we hope this just makes him stronger.


Hayley said...

I am so sorry. I cried when I read that, I can feel your pain!! Brooklyn almost came home with a NG tube in the nose and I was petrified of having to place it all the time (and that was when they were tiny and didn't grab as much!) I was reassured that it would be okay-so I am confident in you! Plus you have the extra help from Heavenly Father guiding you in all you do! My girls had PT this morning and I was getting a tad frustrated with "wanting" them and "hoping" that they would be further than they are. I guess we are supposed to have these trying "setbacks" so we can really appreciate when things are great--which will be soon!

I was sitting at the temple visitors center with my babies just a few weeks ago (they have a smaller Christus) kinda having a frustrating time and a sweet older sister missionary came and sat by me and without knowing me said "Oh my, you must be an amazing mother. Heavenly Father only sends twins to the neatest mothers." She went on and on about that. I SOOOOO needed that that day! So remember--YOU are one of those amazing mothers! Hang in there! These trying times will be in the past very soon. Love you guys!

Ashlee said...

Wow, so much is happening in your life that I have no idea about...We need to talk more often! I'm sure everything will be okay with Carsen, I know that sounds korny, but you are an amazing mommy and will make it through every day! I can't believe they just had their birthday! Has it been a year already???? WOW! They look so amazing. I was just comparing the pics from the newborn ones and they look so grown up. How are Braden and Gracie??? Hunter and Hanna keep asking to come and play again, we need to do that soon! Or whenever you guys can tear yourself away...please come to see us! We love you guys!

Kristen said...

Hi Eskelsons! This is Kristen Bartholomew from Mckay-Dee Hospital.(Well I live in Ohio now:) I am so glad I have been able to keep updated on two AMAZING babies. Carsen has exceeding sooooo many expectations and predictions. You have done a fantastic job! I am sorry about the feeding tube, I am sure you feel sad, but hopefully it is temporary. Thanks for letting me help care for your miracles while they were at Mckay. Good Luck!