Thursday, July 24, 2008


Well, it seems like it has been forever since our last update. There is so much news to share. First may we say "Welcome Home Cierra!" Yes she did it! Last weekend Brandon, the kids, and I made the trek out to Ogden to pick up little Cierra. We left the kids with their wonderful Aunt Naja and Uncle Kyle while Brandon and I stayed the night at the hospital. They call it rooming in. We were able to be with Cierra all night in a family sleep room next to the NICU. We had her all to ourselves for the first time since she was born on April 13th. She was on a four hour feeding schedule which gave us a little more sleep then we expected. Although sleep was often interrupted with the monitors that they were sending her home on. She did really well and seemed to be ready to go home. The next morning we were sent to a CPR class at the hospital. That was a little frightening for me. I didn't like the idea of maybe needing to give CPR to my little newborns. It was definitely good to learn but I hope Carsen and Cierra never need it. Later that day we were trained on Cierra's oxygen equipment and monitors. Again, a little intimidating. Finally, around 5:00pm Cierra was discharged. We drove straight to Uncle Kyle's house to pick up Braden and Gracie. The cousins were so cute when they were finally introduced to their newest girl cousin Cierra. Then to see the look on Braden and Gracie's faces was so neat. They had this look of amazement mingled with a bit of reverence. They realized how special it was to have a newborn baby as a part of their family. Our wonderful Aunt Naja got a few moments alone holding little Cierra. I knew how special it would be for both of them because of the bond they had formed since the babies had been at the hospital. Aunt Naja was so kind to fill in on many occasions when Brandon and I could not visit the babies. She was able to give them the love we wanted to be there and give. Thanks Aunt Naja. Well, she is ours now and we hope she won't have to see the walls of a hospital room for a long long time. She is on a very minimal amount of oxygen which we hope doesn't last too long. She takes most of her feedings from a bottle. We are still nursing but need to take it slow. She had her first visit with her Pediatrician on Tuesday. Cierra weighed 6lbs. and 1.5oz. She is doing well and sleeping a ton. She is so precious!

Well, most of you already know about what we refer to as our 'miracle'. You may be thinking, "which one?" I'm talking about Carsen. Many days have gone by that I've thought about how to write about this. I still don't know. It's a bit sacred to me. I don't have the words to explain really. Carsen has been given a wonderful gift. A gift that is sometimes easily taken for granted. It's so overwhelming to me that words cannot describe how I feel. Carsen had a severe brain bleed on the right side of his brain that devastated his entire brain. After many head ultrasounds, Doctors gave us the worst possible outcome. There was little hope for Carsen and his future. We were then asked to make the most difficult and heartbreaking decision any parent would have to make. After much prayer from many faithful hands we were kept from making that decision. At the time we did not know why the course of things seemed to change. This decision was no longer in our hands. We were simply overjoyed by that. That was an experience we never imagined we would be faced with. Having to ask yourself if you should let your baby be taken off life support before they ever even experienced it was gut wrenching. It caused us pain in every inch of our body. Life had just stopped for us. Everything else meant nothing and we didn't know if it ever would again.
Somehow, someway a miracle happened. Our little boy that had literally no brain left was given a gift. A gift and chance at life. I say gently... it is there. For some reason Carsen's future is not the same. It is not what it was. I know where these gifts come from and I am so humbled. I believe He had compassion. Compassion for a broken and devastated family that tried to stay faithful and trusting. We know that Carsen was blessed. We are humbled beyond words. We believe that miracles are and always have been possible. I say it gently... it is there. We say "thank you" to everyone who prayed with deep sincerity for our little boy. He has recieved this gift because of the faith and prayers of many kind and wonderful people. Carsen has a real future ahead of him now. We can't wait to see and be apart of it. What a gift to us. Everything means everything to us now.

I say it is there!